Footprints In The Sand

"One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.  In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

'You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?'

The Lord replied, 'The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.'"
Author unknown

Now I'm not a religious person, but I do believe in God.  And I have ample reasons to do so.  During the last 9 months, well 10 really, when I couldn't pick myself up off the floor, out of the puddle of drool and tears that I found myself in so many times, I knew that something or someone else must've been carrying me.  Who was it that packed up my home, twice in a 6 month period, when I couldn't see straight?  Who gave me energy and strength to do what had to be done, to hold myself up, to even walk out the door, to find a new job and endure it, to even face the world when all I wanted to do was die?  When I couldn't move, when I was so frozen by my pain, who actually got me out the door and down the path to recovery?  It wasn't me.  No, I can't take responsibility for that one.  If there is a God, and I know there is, then it was he (or she!)  who helped me through it all.

I've always known that I have guardian angels, a couple of them really, and I'd like to take this moment to publicly say "thanks for the lift!" and acknowledge how grateful I am for them.  I am also grateful for those random kind souls who popped into my life just when I thought it couldn't get any worse: the leasing agent who rented the cool pad on Scotia Street to me even though I didn't have a job, and to the HR gal who took me on before even checking references!  To those individuals who along the way might have only said one seemingly little thing, but whose simple words touched me and tweaked my perception just enough that it made me believe I might be ok again.  Those people who didn't even know me but who connected with what I was going through in an instant, and offered me their wise words and strength without attachment or attitude, or any expectation that I should repay them or befriend them.  They just let me be and the accepted me unconditionally.  I believe these people are like guardian angels, as they were put on my path to remind me about the good in life. The good in myself.  I was remined to look up, to keep that little piece of hope in the corner of my heart alive! 

I've made a lot of new friends in the past few months, and some have gone so far as to connect me with their friends, who are now waiting to meet me in Barcelona!  They encouraged me to go down this new path.  I say thank you to all of them!

I'd like to say thanks to my very good friend Mark, who has endured me living in his space with him for the past 3 weeks, and offered me a roof over my head when my hands felt tied.  Thank you Mark!  You're awesome!

I've only recently let go of my fears about this new journey.  I knew without a doubt that I had to do it, but I was scared and nervous about my future and it almost kept me glued to this city's streets.  But there is hope, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.  My sister says that I should look forward to Barcelona and all it's wonders (read: MEN), and to live this new adventure to it's fullest (read: MEN).  :)  I finally have to say: I agree!! 

So here I am, bags packed, comfy clothes on and ready for the long flight which will take me through Toronto, Madrid, and finally Barcelona.  My heavy bags and rubbermaid container are ready to go!  So now I'm going to sip a Starbucks coffee.... no, make that a Soy London Fog with extra vanilla, please.... and give a big hug to Vancouver.  It's a wonderful city, and one that I have long been overdue to leave.  My new roommate will be waiting for me with open arms at the other end.  It will be then that I will know that I'm home again. 

I also want to thank one more person, and I know you'll be surprised, but: Thank you, Dimo. You know why.  :)

I am ready.  I am finally ready.  The beaches of Ibiza await!  More to come soon.

Charleen xo