Did I mention that one of my "intents" for the New Year is to do a major purge? I want to unload a ton of stuff! The best time to do this is when you are moving, or have just moved. So it's perfect timing for me and I am starting right NOW.
I'm feeling a little aggressive about it actually, like I just can't wait to get it done! After 3 weeks in my new home and finally having unpacked all of my essentials, I am eager to forge through this next huge job and get it crossed off my list once and for all. For all those months that I sat quietly, I am now ready to get busy on this! And considering how much energy it takes to load even one box onto a dolly and cart it into my suite, I will be glad to get rid of all of them! Either I'm getting old or I am just seriously out of shape, because I just can't stand lifting heavy boxes anymore. The thought of carting all of that extra baggage around with me makes me feel kindof nauseous actually. Whatever the reason, it is a good enough excuse for me to want to get rid of almost everything.
But as much as I'd love to do that, I know that I won't. One has to be practical when purging: what good is getting rid of everything if you're just going to need to go out and get something exactly like it later on? So last night I carefully, and almost without emotion, went through a total of 7 boxes that I'd brought up from my storage locker in my building, and which I hadn't opened for two years. After sorting through them, I am happy to report that I am able to get rid of two right off the bat (if any of you want candle holders or paperback books, speak now or forever hold your peace!). One big box will go back to my ex. I'm tired of keeping around all those memories, and they've been weighing me down in a major way. Obviously this process is completely attached to my emotional well-being and spiritual growth, too.
And let's just talk about that for a minute, shall we? Those memories that I've packed up in a box to be sent back include lots of beautiful pictures (wedding and otherwise), cd's, books, trinkets, cards that I kept (yes, I'm a little sentimental), and the DVD of our wedding ceremony in Ibiza. While all the rest definitely triggered some emotion from me, that one little flat disc that takes up so very little space in a box actually was the thing that took up the most amount of space in my heart. When I dug it out of one of the boxes, I knew it had to be done. I popped it into my blue ray and sat down on my living room floor with a box of Kleenex and big piece of organic chocolate to watch, for the last time, my wedding ceremony. It made me laugh, it made me cry. I am now more touched than ever with the energy that my two best friends, Mark and Leigh, put out to come to Ibiza and celebrate alongside of us. I remember being super nervous that day - what bride isn't? But this time as I watched the DVD I saw a bunch of things that I hadn't noticed before. For the first time I realized how nervous he was too. At the time of our wedding I thought he was so calm, so quiet, and so strong. But as I watched the DVD again I realized his silence was completely due to nervousness! As the DVD started to play, I once again heard the sound of the crickets that are so common in the heat of the summer in Spain, and felt the peace that I remember washing over the entire group of us while the Mediterranean twinkled up at us. Bride and Groom looked healthy, vibrant and tanned from lying on the beach in Southern France in the week prior to the wedding. We were in our prime. It still brought tears to my eyes, hearing us read the vows we wrote for one another. There were funny parts as well, and this time I giggled out loud while watching them. After the ceremony we both seemed like ourselves again, and super charged because of what we'd just achieved.
Today I have to honestly say that I have no feelings of regret. Watching that DVD again was definitely something that I had to do. Thankfully I'm not destroyed by it; I'm not even close to falling to pieces. I am a little blue, but I'm also happy; happy for what we both created on that cliff side, and for the intention that was put into it. And I guess most importantly for me in all this is that, after watching that DVD, I can no longer tell myself that I am a failure at love. I'm pretty good at love actually. I may not be the easiest person to get to know, but love? Why heck, that's easy.
What a great load to get off my back! Just like the boxes in my storage locker that are weighing me down and need to be purged, I've gotten what I needed from that DVD and I'm now more than happy to unload it. It's time it found a new home.
My girlfriend Brenda always reminds me that when one door shuts, another one opens. It's just that this one particular door has been so heavy and wide that I haven't been able to shut it very easily. I've definitely gathered a lot of strength and wisdom in trying to push it closed though, and that is a good thing. I think perhaps one of the hardest parts about being a human being is the pain that we each have to endure in order to learn something, in order to grow. It is painful, yet at the same time it is also so damn beautiful. Lessons like these.... well, they really are the reason why we are here, aren't they?
As soon as I'm finished going through my storage locker here at home, I will go back out to my big, ugly storage locker in South Van and purge all of what remains there, too. This is a job that I'm going to work diligently at until it's done. I have no more time or energy to keep this stuff around, and the longer I wait to clean it out, the longer my healing process will take. Once that job is done, I will be so happy to finally, and hopefully easily, shut the door to that storage locker, too.
And that will be very soon.
Charleen xo
My new home in South Granville
I'm feeling a little aggressive about it actually, like I just can't wait to get it done! After 3 weeks in my new home and finally having unpacked all of my essentials, I am eager to forge through this next huge job and get it crossed off my list once and for all. For all those months that I sat quietly, I am now ready to get busy on this! And considering how much energy it takes to load even one box onto a dolly and cart it into my suite, I will be glad to get rid of all of them! Either I'm getting old or I am just seriously out of shape, because I just can't stand lifting heavy boxes anymore. The thought of carting all of that extra baggage around with me makes me feel kindof nauseous actually. Whatever the reason, it is a good enough excuse for me to want to get rid of almost everything.
But as much as I'd love to do that, I know that I won't. One has to be practical when purging: what good is getting rid of everything if you're just going to need to go out and get something exactly like it later on? So last night I carefully, and almost without emotion, went through a total of 7 boxes that I'd brought up from my storage locker in my building, and which I hadn't opened for two years. After sorting through them, I am happy to report that I am able to get rid of two right off the bat (if any of you want candle holders or paperback books, speak now or forever hold your peace!). One big box will go back to my ex. I'm tired of keeping around all those memories, and they've been weighing me down in a major way. Obviously this process is completely attached to my emotional well-being and spiritual growth, too.
I love the patio the most...
And let's just talk about that for a minute, shall we? Those memories that I've packed up in a box to be sent back include lots of beautiful pictures (wedding and otherwise), cd's, books, trinkets, cards that I kept (yes, I'm a little sentimental), and the DVD of our wedding ceremony in Ibiza. While all the rest definitely triggered some emotion from me, that one little flat disc that takes up so very little space in a box actually was the thing that took up the most amount of space in my heart. When I dug it out of one of the boxes, I knew it had to be done. I popped it into my blue ray and sat down on my living room floor with a box of Kleenex and big piece of organic chocolate to watch, for the last time, my wedding ceremony. It made me laugh, it made me cry. I am now more touched than ever with the energy that my two best friends, Mark and Leigh, put out to come to Ibiza and celebrate alongside of us. I remember being super nervous that day - what bride isn't? But this time as I watched the DVD I saw a bunch of things that I hadn't noticed before. For the first time I realized how nervous he was too. At the time of our wedding I thought he was so calm, so quiet, and so strong. But as I watched the DVD again I realized his silence was completely due to nervousness! As the DVD started to play, I once again heard the sound of the crickets that are so common in the heat of the summer in Spain, and felt the peace that I remember washing over the entire group of us while the Mediterranean twinkled up at us. Bride and Groom looked healthy, vibrant and tanned from lying on the beach in Southern France in the week prior to the wedding. We were in our prime. It still brought tears to my eyes, hearing us read the vows we wrote for one another. There were funny parts as well, and this time I giggled out loud while watching them. After the ceremony we both seemed like ourselves again, and super charged because of what we'd just achieved.
Today I have to honestly say that I have no feelings of regret. Watching that DVD again was definitely something that I had to do. Thankfully I'm not destroyed by it; I'm not even close to falling to pieces. I am a little blue, but I'm also happy; happy for what we both created on that cliff side, and for the intention that was put into it. And I guess most importantly for me in all this is that, after watching that DVD, I can no longer tell myself that I am a failure at love. I'm pretty good at love actually. I may not be the easiest person to get to know, but love? Why heck, that's easy.
My little kitchen
What a great load to get off my back! Just like the boxes in my storage locker that are weighing me down and need to be purged, I've gotten what I needed from that DVD and I'm now more than happy to unload it. It's time it found a new home.
My girlfriend Brenda always reminds me that when one door shuts, another one opens. It's just that this one particular door has been so heavy and wide that I haven't been able to shut it very easily. I've definitely gathered a lot of strength and wisdom in trying to push it closed though, and that is a good thing. I think perhaps one of the hardest parts about being a human being is the pain that we each have to endure in order to learn something, in order to grow. It is painful, yet at the same time it is also so damn beautiful. Lessons like these.... well, they really are the reason why we are here, aren't they?
As soon as I'm finished going through my storage locker here at home, I will go back out to my big, ugly storage locker in South Van and purge all of what remains there, too. This is a job that I'm going to work diligently at until it's done. I have no more time or energy to keep this stuff around, and the longer I wait to clean it out, the longer my healing process will take. Once that job is done, I will be so happy to finally, and hopefully easily, shut the door to that storage locker, too.
And that will be very soon.
Charleen xo
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