Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Wisdom of Well-Being

I've been walking to work from my place more often than not now that the weather is better.  Yesterday morning I had a pretty fast pace and was determined to get my sweat on and get a good start to my day.   So here I am, clipping along at a good pace, my brown boots clacking loudly against the sidewalk beneath my feet, when I look up the way to see an old woman coming up to the corner from another direction. She called out "Can you help me?", and I looked around to see who she might be talking to.  There was no one around and my only thought was that she might have been going a bit senile and talking to herself or someone that only she could see.  So I kept on walking and had almost walked right by her when she asked again "Excuse me, could you help me?"  I skidded to a halt and, looked around, replied "Are you talking to me?".  She replied with a quick "Yes, yes, I'm blind you see, and I need someone to help me walk to Whitespot.  I'm going for breakfast."  The first thing that crossed my mind was that it was a really unusual request.  I mean, here's this elderly woman well dressed up and out on the sidewalk walking along using her big umbrella as a cane to support her, calling out to anyone who she can hear coming down the street, and then asking them to walk her to Whitespot?  Stranger things have been known to happen, and naturally I said "Yes, of course I can help".  Positioning myself on her free arm side so that she could take my arm easily, together we started walking down the road at a much more slower place than I wanted.  It seemed like she knew the drill though, and it was a regular morning routine to ask any passerby to help her get to Whitespot, because she just naturally took my arm as if I was someone she had known and trusted for a long time.  I had a fleeting thought about the loss of my fast-paced walk to work, but the thought was quickly replaced by the realization that I was meant to learn something here.

As we walked together, the umbrella that she used to give her better balance tapping along the sidewalk, she briefly told me about her life; how she lived on her own and really liked the neighbourhood and had been here for many years.  I came to understand that she was entirely on her own, and liked hearing her mild German accent.  I understood right away that her family all lived elsewhere.  But the bigger thing I understood from her was that she was a very strong woman, still very mentally intact, and was accustomed to getting herself out of her home for a morning walk to Whitespot for breakfast every day.  I surmised that it was pretty standard for her to request assistance from anyone who she could hear walking by.  My boots had given me away and it was my turn to do a good deed.  But, I thought, it wasn't so much of a good deed as it was just a simple payback for all the years that she must've also willingingly done favours for people in need; strangers, neighbours, and family alike.  Karma, so to speak.  And here in our fast-paced reality we hardly ever stop for anyone anymore, whereas this woman had grown up living a life where it was standard to help out wherever one could.  This neighbourly and kind oulook on how to treat strangers was so standard to her that she now expects to simply walk out to the street corner and grab the arm of the next pedestrian who is walking by.  I also realized that she knew the walk very well, as it was she who guided me along the sidewalk saying "Please go straight up to the corner, don't take the little pathway that cuts across the yard...", and "Now let me reach for the door myself, I don't need you to do it for me."  She was strong, independent, and completely capable except for loss of sight that must've gradually happened over the years.  She absolutely knew her way around, and she could tell if the weather was okay by being able to judge the light and darkness of any given day, making a comment about how she'd just "look outside" to see if it was raining or not.  We rounded the corner onto busy Cambie Street and I walked her up to the door of the restaurant, we said a quick goodbye, and I watched as she naturally found the door handle and let herself in.  She even knew where the uneven parts of the sidewalk were, and is probably half the reason why she asks someone every day for assistance.  She carried herself with pride - her back and shoulders were straight and tall.  She was a handsome woman who had her hair done up nicely, and even her clothes matched with her umbrella.  This isn't what we envision when we consider someone who is both elderly and blind, is it?  Wow.  What a gal!

She taught me something in those few minutes that we spent together.  First, she taught me that I need to be more thankful on a daily basis for the things that I do have and have completely taken for granted: vision, hearing, the use of four limbs, a good strong heart, the ability to speak; the use of all my senses.  But she also taught me about grace and self-respect, and the importance of refusing to settle with the status quo.  This woman was not held back at all because of her eyesight, she doesn't sit in her home all day long crying about how she can't do things she'd like to do.  No, instead she asks for help when she needs it but makes it clear that she only needs assistance with just a small part of it - she's not an imbecile and doesn't like to be treated like one just because she has finally, after all these years, lost the use of her eyes.  She hasn't lost the use of her brain or any other part of her body, and my sense is that she has a heightened sense of intuition and psychic ability - she knew that she was asking a good person (moi!) to help her out, and I felt her energy jolt and find the sync up with mine when she put her arm through my arm.  She used the power of connection, and to do that one must be very aware.  I can only hope to be as graceful, intelligent, and courageous as her when I am her age.

In recent weeks some friends have told me about ailments that are bothering them, and even though I've been able to offer some very reasonable and healthy solutions to them, some seem intent on only listening to their doctors for things that their bodies already know the answers to.  Other strange stories have been cropping up about Hollywood movie stars who are undergoing elective surgery to have a double-mastectomy when they are still completely  healthy.  I am absolutely baffled by the energy that society puts into creating a fear of illness when they could choose to instead promote healthy and wholistic ways to keep in shape inside and out, and just be happy about their bodies.  People could choose to be educated yet fearless about diseases that loom in the ethers, and not frightened about it as if it's just waiting there to reach out and grab the next fragile, unassuming person and drag them down into a deep hole.  The blind woman on the street corner could have every excuse to feel incompetant about how to carry on through life, using the loss of sight as her crutch.  If anyone has a good reason to feel frightened, in my opinion in should be her.  Instead this otherwise healthy woman has decided to defy what society would think she should be: powerless, inept and unhealthy.  She is defying age, basically.  We have a choice to be as strong or as weak as we want to be.  We have a choice to believe and feed into common notions about poor health and compromised conditions, or to educate ourselves on how to be create wellness and optimal health for ourselves.  To me, being unable to use my sense of sight would be something I would not even like to consider.  But then imagine being totally healthy and fully capable of creating better health, and then knowingly allowing yourself to believe that you have to be sick or that you already are (genetically) sick.  This causes me to look more closely at what self-defeating thoughts we hold for ourselves.  The blind woman didn't have her eyesight, it's true.  But what she did have was a sense of well-being and a strong will.  She wasn't going to let the incapacity to use her eyes stop her from living a full life, no way!  What a gift it was for me to have the opportunity to walk with this wise woman, a Goddess in the winter of her life.  These days elderly women aren't usually given any consideration at all, and emphasis is only given to those who are youthful in their appearance or to those who are still in their reproductive years.  Yet some of those who are what society would consider "beautiful" or "sexy" still choose to believe there is something wrong with themselves and that they are physically unwell.  But this woman knows that she can still think and act for herself, and she probably also knows that she still has so much more to learn in this life.  She doesn't let her lack of eyesight get in her way.  To me, instead she seemed like the type of person others should seek out for guidance, knowledge, and insight (pardon the pun).  Maybe those who believe that there is something wrong with them should be asking this lady what she thinks of their problems and ailments.  I can tell you she would have had a pretty bold and blunt answer for any moaner or complainer! 

My point in all this is that because of this wise Sage who seemingly has no-one around to assist her in life, I've been given yet another reminder to be thankful for what I have and to view life more clearly.  I have my health, my job, my family, my friends.  I am able to come and go as I please.  I hope that this story can also help to remind you all to enjoy your ability to be wild and free and 100% healthy, and to remember the strength, courage, and wisdom that is within all of us.  Sight or no sight, we can all choose a life of well-being, goodness, and vibrancy.  And while some are out there promoting and hollywood-izing their courage against a disease they don't even have and the drastic, unreal measures they've taken to ensure they never get it, the real truth is that we are as well and as strong as we believe ourselves to be.  So make a toast to your own good health, to your ability to SEE, and to the choice of being strong and well.  Here's to it!

Charleen xo

Thursday, May 9, 2013

a Year

If I were to say "I can't believe that it's been a year since I wrote", I'd be lying.  I am very well aware of the fact that it's been a year since I wrote.  I can't count how many times I've told myself that "Today I am going to write!", and not followed through.  What's been going on in my life?  Well, a whole shit load of nothing.  A whole shit load of everything.

I took a very "stable" job as an Executive Assistant with a global engineering company last May.  I thought this would be the best option for me, and at the time I'd just come out of a freakish job with a small marketing firm and thought that a larger corporation might be just what the doctor ordered.  The only problem is, is now I'm bored out of my skull and wishing I had some of the ingenuity and autonomy that I had in my last position (minus the craziness).   There's no creativity happening here at this job, and believe me: I've had a year to create something meaningful and it's just not happening.  So I am now feeling more than a little stuck.  The job market isn't exactly overflowing with a need for a good seasoned EA right now, and employers are low-balling.  So I won't just jump ship because that doesn't financially support me either.  So here I sit, day after day, wondering what to do, when it'll get better, and how I can find inspiration in my life again.  The truth is that I've left it all behind when I stopped writing.  A job is a job is a job.  It may always be just a job.  But to get to moments where I feel the spark has almost completely died out?  Is it worth it? 

So I'm going to write again, and I'm not sure about what I will write about since, in my opinion, life feels so drab and meaningless.  What I know is that behind it all I've been doing a ton of healing and continued on in my self-discovery, and maybe this slow job of mine is actually just another opportunity for me to have time to get clear with myself.  Well, okay, but I'd still like to be a little more excited about coming to work every day!  It's not too much to ask for, is it??  The hours are long here. It sucks the life blood out of me.  I keep on trying and I keep on trying to stay positive.  Now I'm going to write while at work and I think this could actually help me out.  Some say that you have to find what you love and just make it into a job.  This isn't my reality unfortunately.  I spend the majority of my after work hours becoming myself.  Here at the office I'm being absorbed by the panels of my cubicle, I'm melting like a candle.  On the weekends I light up again and become healthy.  After a year of watching this cycle, watching the pace and bureaucracy, I'm almost accepting of it (I'm still a bit rebellious - I'm an Aquarian afterall), and taking what good I can out of it.  What's the good, you ask?  Well, I have a job that actually is paying me not too badly (considering some of the job opportunities out there I'm seeing are wayyyyy below where any single woman can possibly support herself in this city).  I'm taking my  lunchhours and going to the gym where I continue to get my ass kicked.  I come out feeling strong, happy that I've given myself that time for myself in the middle of a day that seems to be all about giving myself to the corporate bullshit.  There is a silver lining in everything even though I can clearly see the grey underside and am becoming quite outspoken and judicious about it all.  Pessimistic isn't exactly the word I would use to describe my mentality about my job.  I'd say that my view is very reasonable considering I've had a year to figure out this place.  But I'd say I'm quite discerning, discriminating even.  Not much goes unseen by me.  And I'm quiet enough here to watch, to learn how things are being done.  I see the BS and I call a spade a spade.  I am in some ways more outspoken than ever before, and at the same time I am more quiet, patient, observant. 

So writing is going to come back to me.  I never meant to push it away.  I have no more excuses, no one to blame but myself.  This morning I was watching a friend's video (Kia Park) on how to create creativity and keep the spark alive within yourself - finding that blissful state and letting it resonate in everything you do.  For example, Kia dances each and every day.  I thought to myself: that is definitely something I can relate to.  So writing, dancing every now and then (and hard), and tapping into my psychic sixth sense are a handful of the things in my life that have great meaning and that are becoming almost ALL I'm about.  I'm not about my job.  My job pays me so that I can do the things that I like and that's all.  There is no spiritual or creative bonus to my work.  I am here for now because I need to be and when the next best thing comes along I'll go with it.  I have decided that spirituality, music, writing, travel, sunshine are the key components that my spirit requires.  And I'm going to give myself all the fuel I can get.  I won't hold back, and I won't apologize to anyone for my needs.  They are the only things that give me meaning and strength and help me feel my center again, my Self.  I am happiest when I am following that creativity, so why not just follow it and forget about the realities of my day job?  Do what I have to do (my day job), but remember who I am (the sunshiny, spirit dancer).  That is where I've come to.

It is Thursday and I've just finished listening to Markus Schulz's Global DJ Broadcast on DI.FM, and now I'm listening to Armin van Buuren's A State of Trance radio show.  When I hear this high quality trance ringing through my ears while I'm sitting writing at my desk, I feel a connection being made with every cell in my body.  And when that connection happens, a vibration goes out and into the ethers, making the world a good place again.  I feel like this music was put on the planet specifically just to help me remember the Happy Light.  You all know what I'm talking about - we tap into that same light in whatever way we need to.  For me, it's the music.  Combine it with writing, sunshine, lots of exercise and fresh air... I think I've almost got it straight.

The only meaning in life is to find your own melody, that thing that gives you energy; the thing that you know is your truth at the deepest part of your core.  It's not about how many certifications you can get, diplomas, and initials after your name. it sure isn't about how much money you have in your bank account, how many cars or properties you own (because really you never do really truly "own" any of that).  I don't feel at all compelled to go and learn something new just so I can add it to my resume and continue doing more of what I'm already doing.  Unless it calls to my spirit and feels like it's authentic and good for me on other levels other than "business" or "career", then I'm not going to do it.  For me there has ceased to be any practicality in that line of thinking anymore.  My practicality is now starting to be found in the way I conduct my own life, what energies I'm following, what path.  It's not about going full out to support everyone else in their endeavours every single day, or being there 100% for everyone else in my life.  It's not about following a corporate mentality or climbing a ladder and looking for enlightenment in working for someone else (a Board of Directors?). It's about being there 100% for yourself first, and letting everything else fall into place second if it has to, third maybe even.  I know it sounds contrary to what I'm actually doing but that's because I'm playing the game like everyone else, but I'm making it work for me personally, uniquely.  I will play the game for as long as I need to, and yes maybe it will mean letting someone else pay me a salary every two weeks.  Right now that is actually fulfilling the larger part of my life and my journey, and I do need that too.  I will give them my time as long as I need to, who knows maybe I'll work for someone else for the rest of my life even?  But I won't give them my soul any longer.  My life is only about Me and my journey, and that's all it ever was about. When I made it about someone else or about something else, I fell off my my path and things started to go wrong.  I've at least learned that much in this last year.  So I'll use whatever tools I have to keep on my own track.  For now if it means I'll be writing to you from my desk  behind a cubicle wall in a dreary engineering firm, then sobeit.  One day I will find my desk in a sunny, south facing airy room with the fresh breeze blowing through it.  For now, I'll certainly accept this.

If you're doing what you really like to be doing then there is good to come from it.  So play the trance music - let me feel it vibrate through my body and put a smile on my face, and then watch how the good vibes radiate back out towards everyone.  And then also give me time to feel, to be really honest about things, and to write about those things. 

Well well, what do you know?  Here it all is on a silver platter.  I'll take that, thanks very much.  :)

Charleen xo