Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.
While others in town were busy watching the NHL playoffs, I instead cooked up a batch of Dal and sat down for a thoughtful and girly flick, "Eat Pray Love". I had read the book and loved the movie when it came out in theatres. The DVD was one that I had bought to add to my little DVD library, and tonight it called to me for some reason. Even if a woman has not been through the break up of a marriage and then the divorce that follows after it, I think we can all appreciate the self doubt and self-realization that comes with the end of any relationship. One of the things that this movie reminded me of was that in order to find a balanced life, sometimes one has to fall out of balance in love. So maybe losing yourself to love, having a broken heart every now and again, or feeling like you're starting to forget who you are and what all the hard work was for, is all a part of finding the real answers in life.
Dinner out with friends - the people in my life who keep it real.
In the past couple of months I have been dating and have met some quality men. Some I will never see more than once. A couple I have seen not more than a handful of occassions. Then there are a couple of them who have been, well, shall we say, like two ships passing in the night. And they were BIG ships, the kind that makes your heart skip a beat and renders you incapable of thinking of nothing or no-one else during the day. The kind that makes you giggle out loud as you receive text messages in the middle of your work day, and trot down the hall with a clip to your step. And then before you know it, the ship has passed and you realize that was all it was: just a simple passing. Something that made you think, that made you feel, that gave you hope, and maybe bruised you a little bit too.
A good deal of self-reflection is needed after one of these ships sails by. One really does need to take the time to stop and wonder "what's wrong with me" or "did I do something wrong?" It seems that it's normal to go to those places of self-questioning. After all, a grand ship should make you stop and take a look, don't you agree?
After I get over the gloom of the realization that this ship was simply just sailing through the same waters, it feels almost as if I've been reborn again. I hoist my sails and turn my face to the sky, breath deeply, and feel optimistic and hopeful again for the next ship that will cross my path. Simply put, I believe this is all these fellows were meant to be to me; just someone who crosses my path. A lesson learned is a lesson earned. I am thankful that life continues to show itself to me on a deeper level. Life keeps on proving that there are reasons for everything. It reminds me that I need to continue to trust and to trust more deeply. I am definitely learning that love has various forms - it doesn't always come to you in the way you think it should. It will look completely different, but will always provide you with the lessons you need to be a more complete and deeper person.
Heights by great men reached and kept were not obtained by sudden flight but, while their companions slept, they were toiling upward in the night.
And I am hard on myself too, but I remind myself that I am still healing and give myself a pat on the back after one of these ships sails by. I've come a long way, but I realize that I have a long way to go yet. I can't expect myself to be perfect and absolutely strong and wise about everything. I am still easily triggered by people. Still, I have to say that I would rather take the time to learn about my emotional self by taking baby steps and examining both the struggles and the rewards in my life, than I would by pushing myself into the next relationship that stumbles upon my door step. I think I'm going to continue to ask valid questions, to call-out what I think is less than what I deserve, and to hopefully someday find a partner who is mature enough to handle me. Because I know I'm not easy to get to know. But damn, I am so good to get to know!
And in the meantime, well heck, I've booked myself a trip to T.O. to see my girlfriend Donna for her 40th birthday! Because dang, there's no use sitting around here and getting down about things. Nope. It's time to shake out the cobwebs, and to set sail in distant waters! It's been a long winter. So I'm going to celebrate for her, and to celebrate for me, too!
Charleen xo
